“Guiding Children through Big Emotions” by Neville Buchanan


As parents, few things are more difficult than watching our children struggle with overwhelming emotions. When they have a meltdown or face major life changes, parents often feel helpless. In these turbulent moments, God’s word is the “sure and steadfast anchor of the soul” (Heb.6:19).

First, connect with compassion, as Jesus’ brother instructs: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Listen fully to understand their perspective. Resist lecturing or fixing. Give them your complete attention. To confirm you are listening, reflect back their words to them (if I understood you correctly, you said…).

Next, accept the reality of their emotions, even if they are irrational. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). It is easy for our kids to stop “opening up” – especially when their emotions are ignored, disrespected, or even punished.

Then, to prevent overreacting, breathe deeply and pray for wisdom. “Be angry, and do not sin” (Psalm 4:4a). Model self-control and righteous anger. If you are not in control of your emotions, you will not be disciplining. Your actions will be abusive instead of kind, tender hearted and forgiving (Eph.4:32). Always build up and never breakdown.

Explain gently, without shaming (laying on the guilt). “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). Speak the truth in love. Clarify your reasoning but do not embitter them.

Finally, humbly take responsibility and seek reconciliation. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). Apologize readily. Restore peace through forgiveness. Guide them to overcome evil with good.